if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
