i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
