i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
