how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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