Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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