her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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