Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
