can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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