So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
