I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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