you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
