Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
