Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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