i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
