Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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