went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dear god my vagina.
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