He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
