Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
