You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
