Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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