Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
