it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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