A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
