so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
