Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
