What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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