You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
false alarm, still single
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
