it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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