I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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