I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
