Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
