I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
