Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
