If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
