i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
