this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
