you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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