what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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