i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
