I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
