dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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