just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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