I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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