He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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