I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
