yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
