Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
where am i from again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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