So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
