I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
