the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
