the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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