And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
