she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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