I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
